MERCILESS: An Option Zero Novel Read online

  “That takes a lot of trust.”

  Taking one last bite of his meal, Ash took a long swallow of coffee before he pondered her statement out loud. “We’re all in this together. Just because I’m team leader doesn’t mean my opinion is more important than anyone else’s. I took on the task of leading OZ because I had the contacts, but any one of the team is fully capable of running an op.”

  “How did you get the contacts?”

  “Kate was instrumental at the beginning. She helped me make some connections. From there, it grew.”

  “I know you’ve been friends with Xavier, Liam, Gideon, and Sean for a long time, but how did Eve, Serena, and Jazz come to OZ?”

  “Jazz was like you—one of Kate’s recommendations. Eve and Gideon have known each other for years. They were partners in a similar line of work. When Gideon came on, he brought Eve with him.

  “Serena was working for the State Department when she started dating Sean. When OZ started up, he brought her over.”

  “And Hawke…you lost him a few years back? Was that on an op?”

  “Yes.” Since discussing that particular op and what had happened between Hawke and his wife, Olivia, was definitely on a need-to-know basis, Ash stood and began to clear the table.

  “I’m sorry you lost your friend.”

  “I am, too.”

  “I can clean up. It’s the least I can do after that delicious meal.”

  Appreciating the out, Ash nodded. “Thanks. I’ve got some work to do in my office. Once you’re finished, we can review some notes Gideon sent over.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Jules watched Ash leave. Having done the same thing many times herself, she easily recognized his excuse to work for what it was. He needed to get away. They’d been talking about losing his friend and a fellow OZ operative. Were the wounds still too fresh to talk about them, or was there more to Nick Hawthorne’s story?

  Kate had briefly mentioned Hawke not long after OZ lost him, but she’d known few of the details. Just that Nick Hawthorne and his wife, Olivia Gates, both OZ operatives, had been on an op together. The mission had ended badly, with Hawke dead and Olivia leaving OZ. Whatever had happened was obviously still painful for Ash.

  It was becoming apparent that Ash and his OZ team had almost as many secrets as she did.

  As she cleaned up their breakfast dishes, she thought about the decision she’d come to last night. She was going to tell Ash everything. She owed him the truth. Yes, her reasons for not being truthful at first had been valid, but as she had worked with Ash and his team this week, she had realized something: If she was going to trust these people with her life and expect their trust in return, then she needed to be honest about her reasons for being here.

  Kate had believed that once he learned what Turner was trying to do, Ash would go after her full force.

  Having gotten to know Ash, Jules disagreed. He was too levelheaded to do anything rash, so she no longer had a reason to keep secrets. She trusted Ash to do the right thing.

  What that would do to their working relationship remained to be seen. Though she would love to stay at OZ, he would probably tell her to leave. She wouldn’t blame him for that. Trust came hard for people who had been betrayed. Learning she had lied about her past would be hard to forgive. Finding out why she’d lied would be even more so.

  On a personal level, she didn’t want to leave him, ever. These few weeks with Ash had been almost dreamlike. The spark of attraction she’d felt at their first meeting had grown into a wildfire. She’d liked and admired Asher Drake long before she met him, and now that she’d gotten to know him, she knew without a doubt that she was in love with him. How it had happened…why it had happened was inexplicable. She only knew that if he told her to leave, her heart would break into thousands of pieces.

  She couldn’t let that stop her. Ash deserved the truth.

  Now that she had made that decision, she wanted to get it done. Come clean with everything. But she couldn’t, not yet. The mission to capture Lang had been in the works for months. It was much too important to let personal issues get in the way now. She and the OZ team had built up trust this week. Throwing a wrench into that trust at this point could cause major issues. She couldn’t take the risk.

  When the op was over, she’d tell Ash everything, and then if he wanted her to, she’d tell the team together or individually. However he preferred. And since the mission was scheduled to begin four days from now, she would use any free time to come up with the right way to tell her story.

  She headed toward Ash’s office, thinking about the words she’d need to explain things. Confessing that she had fooled Turner into believing she would get intel on Ash to ruin him wouldn’t be exactly easy, but she believed she could make him understand before he threw her out the door. The other part, the part where she told him who she really was and why she felt indebted to him, would be one of the hardest conversations she’d ever had—maybe even more difficult than telling him of her parents’ murders and her abduction by a serial killer named John Leland Clark.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  They worked through the day into early evening, reviewing the differing scenarios and making alternative plans in case things went awry. Ash always enjoyed coordinating an op. The best planning had to allow for human error and the FUBAR factor, but when it all came together and worked perfectly, there was nothing like the rush.

  The gleam in Jules’s eyes matched his own enthusiasm. She had made some excellent suggestions and offered some insight into Omar’s thinking that he hadn’t considered.

  “So you think Omar is intimidated by Humphrey?”

  “I do. When we were at his house, he did everything he could to try to impress you. From showing you his home, to the meal he had prepared for us. And when he announced his special guest, his excitement was more than being able to pull off a surprise. I think he wanted to please you.”

  “That’s a keen observation. Makes me wonder how Humphrey can use it to his advantage.”

  “Perhaps he can suggest that, as a special favor, Elsa could attend the auction as well. She’s already going to the gala. Seems only fair she get to see the other part, too.”

  Ash grinned, seeing through her ruse. “You worried about me, Stone?”

  “You’ll be surrounded by some of the most evil people on earth. Any one of them wouldn’t blink an eye to kill you if given the slightest hint that you’re not who you say you are. Having me right there with you, watching your back, keeping eyes and ears open to any nuances, would be helpful.”

  She had a point. “I’ll see how Humphrey can work that into the conversation.” He glanced at his watch. “It’s getting late. I’d better head home.”

  “Why don’t you stay for dinner? I’ll cook this time. You can clean up.”

  He had to admit that going back to an empty house and eating alone held no appeal.

  “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

  He told himself having dinner with her was nothing. They were two grown adults who needed to eat. They could keep discussing the upcoming mission. It would be a working dinner, nothing more.

  Ash set the table and then, at her request, sat down and let her work. Jules cooked the way she did everything else, with efficiency and imagination. He watched, intrigued, as she sprinkled different spices with what seemed like liberal abandon into a skillet, then added cream, some kind of shredded cheese, and a couple more surprising ingredients. He had no idea what she was making, but by the time she set the meal on the table, the fragrance was almost overwhelming, and he was starving.

  Ash attacked the meal like a ravenous lion and didn’t look up for several minutes. Once he did, he couldn’t contain his awe. “What is this?”

  “Pasta carbonara.” She shrugged. “My version of it anyway. Do you like it?”

  “Yeah…a lot. Where did you learn to cook like this?”

  Her delight was obvious. “I’ve always loved creating different dishes.
I took some classes and discovered I have a talent for combining spices. I never realized it was an art form…I just like experimenting.”

  “Feel free to experiment on me any time you like.”

  He hadn’t meant the words as a come-on, but they’d sounded that way all the same. Jules’s eyes widened slightly, and she blushed a pretty pink.

  “Sorry, that sounded weird.”

  She laughed, not taking any offense at his unintended sexual innuendo. What she said next totally destroyed any errant sensual thoughts. “Tell me about Meg.”

  She watched the smile slide from his face and the light go out of his eyes. She had spoiled the lighthearted mood and wanted to kick herself for her ill-timed question. But it was out there, and she couldn’t call it back, so she waited for his reply.

  “What do you want to know?”

  “What was she like? Where did you meet?”

  “She was sweet, funny, intelligent. We met when we were ten years old. Her family moved next door. Our mothers became best friends, so we got thrown together a lot.”

  “You were childhood sweethearts?”

  “Not until our sophomore year of high school. Her dad died, and I don’t know…I guess we realized how short life is. We started dating and never dated anyone else after that.

  “I joined the Marines right after high school. We got married right before my first deployment. Meg went to college, got her nursing degree.”

  “How long were you married…before…” She trailed off. She couldn’t even make herself say the words.

  Ash had no such problems, but the anger was evident in his voice. “Before she was brutally murdered by a serial killer? Thirteen years.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Letting her know he was done sharing, he stood and began to clear the table. Jules sat still for several moments, wanting to say more. Wanting more than she’d ever thought she could want. If she could only work up the courage to take that final step.

  “I’d better get out of here.”

  Surprised, she glanced around the kitchen and saw that while she’d been lost in thought, Ash had cleaned and straightened up the kitchen.

  “Don’t go.” The words sprang from her mouth before she could stop them.

  “What?”

  “It’s late and unimaginably cold out there. There’s plenty of room here.” She shrugged, hoping she looked nonchalant. “Why not stay the night?”

  Instead of answering immediately, he surprised her by holding out his hand. Her heart pounding, she put her hand in his and allowed him to pull her up. They were standing toe-to-toe, inches from each other. She could feel his breath on her face, the heat from his body.

  Raising her eyes to his, she took a huge risk and whispered, “Stay with me, Ash.”

  He gave a low, growling groan. Lowering his head, he touched his lips to hers, softly, gently, testing, teasing. Pressed against his hard body, Jules returned the kisses, telling him things she couldn’t say aloud.

  “What the hell are we doing, Jules?”

  “I don’t know, but please don’t stop.”

  “This is crazy.” He punctuated every protest with a brief, hot kiss. “Insane.” Another hot kiss. “Out-of-this-world wrong.”

  “Can’t be.” Breathlessly accepting every kiss, she gloried in the feelings surging through her. Never in her life had she felt this way. Heat and need surged through every pore. “Nothing this good could be wrong.”

  Ash gave up the fight. Responsibility and clear-minded focus had always been his mainstay. Loyalty, honor, and doing the right thing no matter how difficult had been his beacon in the darkest times. For tonight, just for tonight, he shoved all of that aside and took what he wanted, what he had been craving from the moment he’d met Jules Stone.

  Holding her slender body against his, Ash devoured her mouth, relishing the soft, lush sweetness. His tongue plunged into the depths of that sweet heat, dancing, mating with hers. Waves of need rolled through him, and wanting to take Jules with him, he skimmed his hands over her body, taking her clothes along the way. When his fingers reached silken skin, they paused, tested, aroused, then soothed.

  “Ash, please…”

  The whimper did something to him, destroying any hesitation. Scooping her into his arms, Ash left the kitchen and headed for a bedroom. He stopped at the one Jules was using. With one hand, he opened the door, strode through, and then closed it behind him with a kick. Instead of placing her on the bed, he dropped her feet to the floor. He wanted to see her…all of her.

  She was beautiful. Her eyes glittered with need and heat, her face was flushed a light pink, and her mouth curved up into a sensuous invitation. One he couldn’t resist. Lowering his head, he pressed his mouth to that smile, loving the way her lips curved even more.

  “Just so you know,” she whispered, “it’s been a long time for me.”

  “It’s been a while for me, too. I don’t think anything’s changed, though.”

  She laughed softly. “Good to know.”

  “You’re absolutely sure about this? We don’t have to if you—”

  Her fingers pressed against his mouth. “I can’t think of anything I want more. I feel like I’ve waited a lifetime for this.”

  “Then let’s not wait any longer.” He barely remembered taking his clothes off, but he remembered every second of Jules removing hers. When they’d showered together, he had forced himself not to look at her, but now his eyes made up for what he had missed. She was slender without being thin, strength and courage hidden beneath beautiful, silken curves. When he’d first met her, he had thought her body was likely covered in tiny freckles like those on her face and shoulders. He’d been right. Suddenly, he couldn’t think of anything he’d rather do than to kiss each one of them.

  Holding out his hand, he led her to the bed.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Wrapped in Ash’s arms, warm and safe, Jules couldn’t imagine a more perfect place. Making love with a man like Asher Drake demolished any other sexual pleasure she’d ever experienced. Those other times, few though they were, were like vague, insipid apparitions of the real thing. Both tender and fiercely passionate, Ash had given her the kind of pleasure one only dreams is possible. She had never believed it would be possible for her.

  Her brutal experiences years ago had rotted any good thoughts of a healthy physical relationship for a long time. It was only after years of therapy and meditation that she was able to stomach a man’s touch. And when she had reached the point where passion overcame fear, there had been no feelings or emotions behind the actions. It had been a physical release and nothing more. Meaningless.

  With Ash…everything was different. Before she had met him, she had admired him greatly. After meeting him, working with him, getting to know him, that admiration had grown a thousandfold. The man, even with his autocratic ways and stubbornness, was the hero of her dreams.

  The optimism she’d felt earlier was slowly dwindling beneath the doubts and fears. With so many lies between them, how could there be any hope for a good outcome?

  “Hey, what was that heavy sigh for? You bored already?”

  She nuzzled his neck, loving his scent, the warmth of his skin. “Never.”

  “Sorry about the condom thing. When I was younger, I was never without one. But the last few years, it seemed pointless to carry one around.”

  That had been one of the sweetest, funniest moments of the night. In the midst of a need so heated she’d felt as if the world could explode, he’d lifted his head and confessed he had no protection. The look on his face had been both comical and incredibly touching. Even though it would have been painful for him, she’d known without a doubt that he’d been willing to stop.

  She had been more than happy to explain that it was not a problem.

  “My birth control is sufficient. Besides, I think we were doing quite well without one. You’re very good at improvising.”

  “Thanks. I was motivated.”


  She laughed softly and then cut her eyes up to look at him. “You said it had been a while for you, too.”

  “Yeah.” He grinned down at her. “You could tell?”

  She shook her head. “It was perfect in every way.”

  He rewarded her compliment with a kiss, and Jules gave herself up to the beauty of the now. Worrying about the future could wait.

  Several long moments later, she settled back into Ash’s arms. They were quiet, peaceful, and then Ash began to talk.

  “Meg died saving my life.”

  She pulled her head back and looked up at him, genuinely shocked. She had thought she knew everything about that night.

  “How?”

  “We were supposed to go to the lake together. I got called into a late meeting. She decided to go on without me, said she’d set things up and get dinner started. I called her from the office to tell her I was on the way. She picked a fight with me. Told me she was tired of my late nights and excuses. Of me always putting my work first. That she wanted some time to herself. Told me to stay away.

  “I hesitated. Dammit. I hesitated. Maybe if I hadn’t…” He shook his head. “Meg and I had been having some issues. Having an argument with her about my long hours didn’t seem that much of a stretch. It wasn’t the first time, but I should have realized something was different about this one. We had agreed to go away together…to try to work things out, and then she told me not to bother.

  “The coroner figured Clark probably killed her right after she spoke with me.” His voice went emotionless, and she knew he was fighting back the pain. “She had forty-two stab wounds. He was in a rage, no doubt because she had tried to keep me away.”

  “But you left for the lake immediately after talking to her.”

  “Yeah. Not that it did any good.”

  “You couldn’t have saved her.”