MERCILESS: An Option Zero Novel Read online

  With a shrill scream, she plunged the knife again and again. He had to die. This time, she would kill him. This time, he wouldn’t escape. Maniacal laughter pierced her eardrums. He wouldn’t die… Why wouldn’t he die?

  Jules dropped the knife and covered her ears. The man popped up from the sofa and reached for her. Her heart pounding with horror, she screamed and turned to run. A long, bloody hand reached out and grabbed her. Sharp, jagged nails dug into her skin, each cut scorching like streaks of fire.

  Using the only defense she had left, she screamed again.

  “Jules. Wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”

  She opened her mouth to scream again. Why wouldn’t he die? How many times had she tried and failed? Why couldn’t she kill him?

  “Jules.” Hands shook her firmly. “Wake up. Now!”

  She jerked awake, her eyes opening to see Ash’s concerned face above her. “What happened?”

  “You were having a nightmare.”

  She glanced around the bedroom, alarmed that she didn’t recognize her surroundings. “Where are we?”

  “A hotel. I convinced Omar we needed to leave. The doctor gave you something that knocked you out.”

  Jules pushed to sit up, wincing at the pain. Her shoulder and arm hurt, and her entire body felt as though she’d been beaten.

  “Here, let me help you.” Picking her up as if she were a child, Ash propped her against the headboard. “How are you feeling?”

  The correct answer was “weak and vulnerable.” They were two of her most hated emotions and ones she had fought too hard to let take over. Taking a breath, she said, “A little tired but okay.”

  “There’s no shame in being overwhelmed or scared.”

  There was for her. She had spent almost two years being terrified of everything and everyone. Returning to that mentality, even for a few moments, was something she refused to allow.

  So why were tears coming from her eyes?

  Ash’s arms encircled her, and Jules gave in. Burying her face against his chest, she let go of the horror and the fear from the night before. That moment, when she’d plunged the knife into Renee and felt her body go limp, would remain in her memory forever. That she’d had no choice made little difference. Maybe in time she’d be able to see things from a clearer perspective, but for right now, she needed this time to come to grips with taking a life.

  Ash held her close, not asking questions or even giving empty platitudes. He just held her, which was exactly what she needed.

  Several minutes later, Jules took a deep breath and pulled away. “I’m sorry. That’s probably not what you expect from an OZ operative.”

  “You lose your humanity, you lose everything. You saved my life, but that doesn’t mean you can’t regret the way things happened.”

  She shuddered out another breath. “I’m glad you’re okay.” She couldn’t tell him that she’d often had nightmares about his death. Asher Drake had come close to dying many times, but she felt that only one of those times was her fault.

  “And keep in mind that as messy as it was, we saved lives last night. Rhinehart was set on killing as many people as he possibly could. If we’d let him leave, he would have found a way to succeed.”

  “How was it possible that the man was even alive?”

  “That’s something I’m sure people are asking each other today.”

  “People know about it?”

  “Only the ones who need to know. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, Rhinehart died in that blast two years ago.”

  “Does it ever get to be too much for you? Seeing evil every day and knowing that for every monster you take down, there are a hundred more out there?”

  “On occasion. But when I focus on what I can do in that moment, it helps.”

  Feeling a thousand times better for having talked about it, Jules drew completely away from Ash. “How’s Omar doing?”

  “Better than he deserves, that’s for damn sure.”

  “Maybe he learned a lesson.”

  “Won’t make him less evil, but he does owe Humphrey a favor, so there’s that.”

  “So what now?”

  “Omar was a little loopy when we left, but I imagine I’ll be hearing from him soon. He’ll want to make sure the auction goes well since his brilliant idea was such a debacle.”

  “How did you know it would work—the helicopter thing?”

  “I know what paranoid looks like. All he needed was a little help to tip him over.”

  “Were you hurt? I kind of lost focus after…everything.”

  “No. Not even a bruise, thanks to you.” He stood and glanced over his shoulder. “I ordered breakfast. You feel up to eating?”

  “Maybe after a shower.”

  He touched her shoulder. “Mind if I check your cuts?”

  She glanced down, noticing the bandages on her shoulder and arm. “Did I get stitches?”

  “Two on your shoulder and eight on your arm. Also, you had cuts on your right hip and left leg that I missed at first.”

  She barely remembered those wounds. The images in her head were of Renee’s cherry-red face, filled with an intense hatred and determination, followed by shock when Jules slid the knife into her.

  “She would have killed me if I hadn’t killed her.”

  “Yes, she would have. And if she had lived, she might have tried to carry out Rhinehart’s plan in order to honor him.”

  Jules let that settle in her mind. While she could regret the necessity of taking a life, she also understood that she’d had only two choices. She refused to regret being the one who lived.

  Apparently realizing she needed to process the information, Ash proceeded to check her wounds. Though they would cause her some pain for a few days, she knew she was fortunate they weren’t worse.

  “They look good. Omar’s doctor didn’t even think they’ll leave scars.” He stood and headed to the other room. “I’ll let you shower. Leave the door open in case you feel faint.”

  Jules waited until he was out of the room before she placed her feet on the floor. Other than a little weak-kneed and sore, she felt fine. Taking a shower and then getting some food inside her would go a long way to making her feel normal again.

  Ash poured himself another cup of coffee while he kept an ear out for any sign that Jules was in trouble. She might have told him she felt fine and tried to convince herself as well, but the haunted look in her eyes said something else. She was still suffering. Crying in his arms had been a good start, but she was a long way from being fine.

  He didn’t bother wishing that things had turned out differently. Ash had learned long ago that “wishing” got you nowhere. When he had accepted Omar’s invitation, he had done so to continue to help Humphrey establish trust in a somewhat tenuous relationship with a weapons dealer. Killing a known terrorist and two of his associates certainly hadn’t been on his radar. Even though he’d done what was necessary, and had most certainly saved lives by taking Rhinehart out, that didn’t mean he had enjoyed the deed. He’d done his share, but killing was and always would be the last resort. There had been no other choice. Jules had known that, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t cost her.

  That was why they were going to take a few days here. Staying holed up in the hotel would give Jules time to heal. He could work from here and be available when she was ready to talk.

  And since lying to himself was not his way, he could admit to a purely selfish reason: He wanted to get to know her better. She had told him some things, and Kate had filled in some blanks for him, but there was so much more to Jules Stone. They both knew she had secrets. It was his policy that as long as an operative’s secrets didn’t interfere with his or her job, they were welcome to keep them. This was different. For the first time since Meg, he realized he wanted to get to know a woman on a personal basis.

  There would be complications. In the years since he’d started OZ, he had never once considered breaking his self-imposed rule of not
getting involved with a co-worker. That wasn’t a rule he imposed on any of his employees. As long as the liaisons didn’t compromise the job, their private lives were their own business. And since OZ was an off-the-books secret organization, relationship choices could be severely limited. Only made sense that they gravitated toward one another.

  When the shower cut off, Ash took the domes off the food he’d ordered and fixed a plate for himself and one for Jules. He didn’t know what type of food she liked, but there was a variety to choose from.

  “Um, Ash, where are we?”

  He grinned at her. She was wearing a hotel robe that practically swallowed her and a definite frown of irritation.

  “Missoula, Montana.”

  “How? I don’t even remember getting on the plane.”

  “That’s because you slept the entire flight. I figured you’d wake up when we got off the plane, but you were sleeping deep.”

  The doctor had told him that would likely happen. Not only had she been exhausted and in shock, the blood loss had left her body depleted.

  “I’m surprised we didn’t just go on to OZ headquarters.”

  “The amenities are better here.” He nodded toward the plate he’d fixed for her. “Come eat.”

  Still looking a little uneasy, Jules sat across from him at the small table. He waited until she’d taken a few sips of coffee before saying quietly, “We both need a few days to recover.”

  “I’m—”

  He held up a hand to cut her off. “Don’t say you’re fine. You’re not. You need some downtime.”

  The emotions on her face were a testament to just how unfine she really was. From the moment he’d met her, he was impressed with her composure and ability to hide her thoughts. Not so today. He saw anger, frustration, sadness, and, if he wasn’t mistaken, trepidation.

  The last one concerned him the most. “This suite has two bedrooms.”

  Pink washed over her face, giving her a healthier glow. “I wasn’t worried about that.”

  “We did kiss.”

  “Yes, well, that was under extraordinary circumstances.”

  “So you’re saying that if it had been anyone else standing in the shower with you, your naked body pressed against his, you would have responded the same way?”

  “Yes. No.” She shook her head quickly. “I don’t know. I just…”

  He was pushing her, and that wasn’t fair. Changing the subject, he said, “Do you see Kate often?”

  Jules’s mind whirled at the change of subject. She was just coming to terms with having been unconscious, unaware of where she was or what was happening to her. Waking up in a strange bed, wearing only her bra and panties had been startling to say the least. Learning she was in Montana had been even more of a shock. But now she learned that Ash wanted them to stay at the hotel for a few days. Together. If that wasn’t enough, he had confronted her about their kiss. For someone who tried to be in control at all times, she found all of this to be just a bit much.

  Grateful he’d thrown her a lifeline by asking about Kate, she said, “Not as much as I would like. We talk almost weekly, though. What about you?”

  “Haven’t seen her in over a year. We check in with each other often.”

  Jules knew that Kate was an important intel resource for OZ, and though she knew quite a bit about how they’d met, she wanted Ash’s perspective.

  She wanted to talk to him about so many things. Things she hadn’t thought they’d ever get a chance to discuss. Even if she couldn’t tell him everything, she wanted him to know, someway, that she was so very sorry about what happened.

  “You look like you’re about to fall out of your chair.”

  Exhaustion wrapped around her like a heavy, smothering coat. She hadn’t felt this exhausted and weak in years.

  “Why do I feel so tired? I can barely keep my eyes open.”

  “Aftereffects of shock. I’m glad to see you did eat a little.”

  She blinked at her plate, surprised that she had indeed eaten half of the rather large serving of scrambled eggs and toast. She’d even drank an entire glass of milk.

  “Why don’t you go lie down again? After a few more hours of sleep, you should feel a lot better.”

  “You seem to know a lot about that.”

  “That’s because I’ve been there.”

  She wanted to ask him how and when, but her mouth refused to form the words as her brain fogged once more. Before she realized it, Ash was standing beside her and lifting her in his arms.

  “I can walk.”

  “Carrying a beautiful woman to bed, even if it is just to sleep, will never be a hardship.”

  She was vaguely aware of how good it felt to be in his arms and thought she might have mumbled something about that. By the time he placed her on the bed, she was on the verge of sleep. Her eyes felt as though stones had been placed on the lids, weighing them down. She did manage to blink them open slightly, and her sluggish brain vaguely registered the tenderness in his eyes. Her heart performed a tiny somersault, and she mumbled something a second before unconsciousness claimed her.

  I’m so sorry.

  What was she sorry about? Jules’s words before she’d dropped off to sleep hounded Ash. He told himself she could have simply meant that she was sorry she was so sleepy, or something equally innocuous. His gut told him it was something else. What that something was he had no idea. But he intended to find out.

  Grabbing the secure satellite phone, he punched in a number he rarely called. He and Kate communicated in various ways, but using a phone was usually his last choice.

  Kate answered on the first ring, which meant she was expecting his call.

  “You guys okay?”

  “News travels fast.”

  “It does when it’s this big. But you and Jules…you’re both okay?”

  “We’re fine. Jules got a little banged up, but nothing serious.”

  “Can I talk to her?”

  “She’s asleep. I’ll get her to call you when she wakes.”

  “I can’t believe the bastard was still alive. We found his body…supposedly had verifiable proof.”

  “He faked it somehow. I think he might’ve been injured then…just not killed. His hands were messed up, and he was in poor health.”

  “And he was looking for one last boom.”

  “Something like that. We had no choice but to stop him permanently.”

  “I agree. Jules do okay?”

  “She did great. Acted like a pro, but it cost her.”

  Neither of them needed to go beyond those words. They both knew the cost of taking a life.

  “Everything still in place for the auction?”

  “Yes.” Just because he’d saved Omar’s life, Ash didn’t expect any special favors from the weapons broker. The man might’ve been an idiot for inviting a psychopath to dinner and expecting him to play nice, but that didn’t mean he would cut any corners in the upcoming auction. It might, in fact, make him more wary.

  “That’s good. I have no news on this end, if that’s why you’re calling.”

  “It’s not. I wanted to talk about Jules. She’s hiding something.”

  “Aren’t we all?”

  “Don’t give me that, Kate. We’ve known each other too long to play games.”

  “I’m not playing, Ash. You know as well as I do that we all have things we don’t want to share with others. And Jules is one of the most private people I’ve ever known.”

  “But you know what she’s hiding.”

  “Yes, but it’s not my story to tell. Have you asked her?”

  “Haven’t had a chance. The day after we met, she was on an op. Things haven’t really slowed down to have any kind of real conversation.”

  “Sounds like you’re both taking some downtime now. Maybe you can talk to her. Be aware that reticence doesn’t necessarily mean a person is hiding something incriminating.”

  There was no need for that reminder. He lived in the shadows. Clos
emouthed reticence was SOP.

  “My gut says it’s something more than that.”

  “You’re a good interrogator. I have no doubt that you’ll uncover the truth. Just remember: Not everyone sees things the way we do.”

  Ash ended the call, not satisfied, but at least he knew he was on the right track. Jules was indeed hiding something from him. Question was, why had she apologized to him?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Jules took one last bite of her pizza slice and then put it aside, pleasantly full. For the last day and a half, she’d done nothing but eat and sleep. Her wounds were still sore, and nightmares still woke her, but all in all she felt a thousand times stronger than she had when she woke yesterday morning.

  In a surprising turn of events, Ash had been both kind and gentle. Not that she’d thought he was deliberately mean, but he was a tough, straightforward man. Seeing his gentler side stirred emotions within her that had no place in their relationship. Not only was he her boss, but she was keeping a mountain of secrets from him. If he discovered even one of them, his attitude toward her would quickly change.

  “Finished?”

  “Yes, thanks.”

  Speculatively, she watched Ash clean up the coffee table. Every time she’d asked if she could help, he had declined. Was it his way to do everything himself, or was he being polite? Either way, it needed to stop. She was almost one hundred percent again and needed him to see that.

  When he came back and sat on the other end of the sofa from her, she said, “So when are we going back to work?”

  “In a few days. Don’t worry. The rest of the team is keeping busy. OZ never sleeps.”

  “I feel fine. There’s no need to stay away on my account.”

  For several long seconds, he eyed her as if he were a scientist and she were an interesting specimen he’d never encountered. Jules held his gaze, refusing to give him an inch. She knew her strengths, knew what she could handle.